You’re Not Too Far

The reflection is not lost on me.

I am adopted. And this journey amplifies my adoption in resounding ways. It knocks the wind out of me. I can’t for a moment think of this journey without thinking of my Father and all that He did to adopt me. His fingerprints are all over my life. He changed my trajectory. So much so that His fingerprints are evident in this journey. I see my Father at work. I hear Him saying trust, trust, trust. I hear Him telling me to lay it all at His feet and rest in His arms. Oh how peaceful it is when I rest in His arms. When I lay it all at His feet. He quiets the storm raging within me. The questions, the fear of the unknown, the turmoil of the waiting.

I know it would be calmer to hold His hand and walk upon the waves with Him. But I keep looking down, taking my eyes off of Him, and start sinking. And I start drowning.

Or I think I’m drowning. Until I look up at Him again and realize He is holding my hand still. He is not going to let me sink. He is going to get me back into the boat. And He will ride the waves with me. And when the time comes, the waves will still. And this will all make sense. Because when my Father speaks, the wind and the waves obey. The sea parts. The path becomes straight.

He adopted me.  I was not too far.  And the songs that mean the most to me these days are not only the ones that are thanksgivings and praises for all my Father has done for me.  They are also the songs that while I sing them in Thanksgiving and Praise, I prayerfully lift them for our child. I want my child to come home. But it means nothing if I don’t long for my child to know Christ. I want my child to be adopted here on this earth…and be an orphan no more.  But more than that, I long for my Father to also adopt my children.  I say come as you are.  But it means more when my Father says it. I want my Father to be the One to make my child an orphan no more. To call my child His own.

The reflection is not lost on me.

“Come out of sadness from wherever you’ve been. Come broken hearted; let rescue begin.
Come find your mercy; O sinner come kneel. Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal.
Lay down your burdens. Lay down your shame.
All who are broken, lift up your face.
O wanderer come home! You’re not too far.
So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart, come as you are.
There’s hope for the hopeless and all those who’ve strayed
Come sit at the table; come taste the grace!
There’s rest for the weary, rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t cure.
There’s joy for the morning. O sinner, be still.
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal.”
~Crowder

It’s Okay to Rest

It’s okay to rest.

Is it?  Resting is SO HARD to do.  Even when you know you need to rest.  If you are like me, you might attempt to rest every now and then but the moment you sit or lie down to make that attempt, your mind is flooded with the never-ending list of things that you have to get done or else!

But a dear friend reminded me today that it’s okay to rest.  And right now, I have no choice.

Update on my (Emmie’s) back issues.  I’ve received a steroid shot to help with the intense pain in my lower back.  Physical Therapy starts today.  We have an appt scheduled to see a spinal specialist in 2 Fridays.  This morning at my chiro appt the adjustment was….uncomfortable, and that is putting it nicely.  Xrays were done yesterday.  I assume I’ll get to see them at PT this afternoon.  I’ve been lying on the couch or in bed since Sunday morning when we got home from church, with the exception of doc appointments and getting out this morning for a couple of hours.  I’m resting.  I’m exhausted.  He, God, is *making* me rest.  And it is okay.

You see….I realize that it isn’t beanie season right now.  Crochet orders slow down this time of year.  If ever I were going to start having back problems, or not be able to crochet, I suppose now is the time.  But God has blessed my hands with crocheting so many things to help raise money for adoption.  I realize that He brought in all of those orders….but how on earth will we raise this money without crocheting?!  I know we will.  I know He will provide.  I mean, I know that deep down.  But to pretend that this whole thing doesn’t cause me to be a little anxious would be a lie.  We are not only raising money for adoption, but we are also saving up money to buy a new vehicle for when we bring our little one home from Lesotho.  We need a vehicle for 3 carseats!  Our current vehicles just won’t do.  But wouldn’t you know as soon as we start setting money aside specifically for a new vehicle, I start having chiropractor appts, and PT, and back specialists….what?  “God, what are You doing?” <–that is exactly what is running around in my head.

One day we will look back on this time and I know we will see the grace that He bestowed on us.  But for this moment, I wish I could just see the plans He has going on, working together for good, for His glory, rather than sitting here, or rather laying here on this heating pad, wondering what kind of craft I can figure out to do while laying on my back to raise money to bring our child home.

My friend is one of those friends that the Lord speaks through right at the time when you need to hear Him.  She is so sensitive to His leading and it is a beautiful gracious sign in my life that He is right here with me.  I’m just going to put a little in here of what her email said:

“Praying for you today. Praying for relief from pain!  Also praying you can be still and know that He is God- your provider- even when He’s making you rest…

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures..ps 23

Be still and know that I am God.  ps 46:10″

And you know what else is a beautiful gracious sign of His presence?  I’ve been reading a Psalm a day (or trying to!) and today’s Psalm is Psalm 23.  “The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul….”

I’d say I’m hearing Him loud and clear right now.  He is making me rest.  He is making.me.rest.  And if He didn’t make me, I probably wouldn’t.  I have a hard time obeying His commandment to rest.  But He isn’t giving me an option.  And while He makes me rest, He is reminding me that He is my Shepherd.  He will lead me beside still and calm and peaceful waters.  And He will restore my soul.  And one day, we will bring our child home from Lesotho, look back through this blog, and I have a peace and hope when we look back on this time of forced rest, we will see how He never left but it was this time period of rest when I couldn’t do anything, that He did everything and more, proving again and again that He loves our child and is bringing our child home.  What a testimony of grace we have yet to read in our lives, all because He is making me lie down (ps. 23) be still, and know that He is God. (ps. 46:10).